Monday, February 4, 2008

Changing Roles: The Eyes Have It.

It was dark and warm this morning as we left the highly secure gated community to head for the big city. Hoover picked us up at 6:30 a.m. and the three of us were off for her right eye surgery. Conversation flowed between concern for Sylvia, Parker's birthday, yesterday's SOUPer Bowl service, and the Super Bowl. Only this drive was different than before. My only sibling, my older brother, was going to be meeting us.

Mom and Hoover went on in while I waited for him to arrive. Miscommunication had taken place... These things happen in changing roles. He did not realize it would be the boyfriend, the live-in daughter/sister, and him. Fortunately, they allowed him to go back and see her before the surgery started. I am so grateful.

So, while she was back in surgery.... the three of us sat.... me in the middle. The conversation flowed with ease at times and others - silence was spoken. Quickly enough, she was done and I was allowed to go back and see her. They both sat there - each loving her and wanting to go back and be with her. Love is a hard thing at times.

The post-op nurse remembered had the doctor who put her to sleep... At times, laughter is a gift at awkward moments. Hoover went to go get his car, my brother- his as well, while I waited for her to come out in a wheelchair. The post-op nurse wanting to know whose car she was riding in this time. The boyfriend's won out given it was a car and easier to get in to.

The four of us had breakfast together at an IHop there in the big city. Soon enough, it was time for us to head back home. As the server started to hand the bill, I kicked my brother under the table.... Hoover insists upon paying for meals and gets insulted easily when challenged on it - a generational thing no doubt as well as loving her and wanting to provide for her in his own way. I've been down that road before. I should have warned my brother before we sat down... His leg survived though... as did Hoover's ego.

The three of us headed back to the highly secure gated community and my brother back to his house since he had taken the day off. And while he did not come here to take care of his mother - he is at home taking care of his daughter who is sick and at home today instead of at school. Hoover is at his house doing his Monday chores. Mom is fast asleep in her bedroom with her live-in caregiver listening for her call.

Tomorrow morning, the son-in-law is on duty while I teach a Bible study class on marriage. In the afternoon, Hoover is taking her to the follow-up eye appointment and will take notes for us... Mom does not always hear all the doctor says. And I will be at upstairs desk at the physical church building doing whatever needs to be done. Again, I am grateful.

Changing roles includes having more than one person being a caregiver for someone. The better individuals can work together for the good of all involved - the smoother things can go even when the waves are not always easy to navigate.

It is a privilege and a blessing to help someone else meet their most basic needs and even the more complex ones. Is it easy? Not always. Is it worth it? Yes, she is. The lessons are... And the fact is serving her is serving Him. That is more priceless than gold.

Jesus did not come to be served but to serve others.

Who do you need to show His love to today?

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