Thursday, November 1, 2007

November 1, 2006 - 2007

I've been asked to reflect upon this day last year and my thoughts on what the Lord has taught me over the time in-between the dash until today. This is about a daddy and his daughter; A brother and a sister. It is from that perspective that I share.

Daddy had been in the hospital since the end of August. Our family, following God's guidance, decided to take him off all the machines and move him to a hospice facility. As the final paperwork was being seen to, I went into his room and walked up to the bed. As I took his hand in mine, I wasn't honestly sure if he even knew I was there or not. He had been all over the place mentally for weeks. I shared with him that I had indeed finished seminary and that he got me out of walking across the stage that very day and that I wouldn't have been anywhere else. He laughed. I then started singing one of his favorite songs, "I Can Only Imagine" and told him it wouldn't be long. He started singing with me and squeezed my hand tight. He then said, "Cam? Thank you for taking care of me. I'm sorry for the times I was wrong. I love you. Take care of your mom and thanks for being my daughter and a great wife and mom." He then went back to talking to various individuals he saw in the room. Honestly? Who I am to say they were or weren't there. That's part of the mystery.

We finally got him moved over to the hospice facility after nearly not having him even leave the hospital. I was told he wouldn't make it through the night by "the experts"... (I'll talk more about that at another time.) I cannot begin to share about all the individuals who were able to make it there to say goodbye to daddy and all the conversations. A couple of hours later, when I realized he had taken his final breath, I walked out into the hallway and threw my hands up in the air in thanksgiving and praise to our God. My daddy.... who was also my brother in Christ was finally free. He had run an amazing race!

Over the last year, there has been tears, memories relived, and new ones created. I wouldn't want my daddy back today if I were granted one wish. For God is my Father and He truly knows best even if we don't understand it all. Grace, mercy, peace that passes all understanding and my Father's love, I know even better today, this moment, than all my years of being daddy's little girl.

When I sing "I Can Only Imagine" as I am right now... it is not my daddy that comes to my mind.... For my daddy was just a man.... and he couldn't save me even when he tried.

The Real Daddy's Girl

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