This morning, it was pouring buckets. It looked more like the dead of the night than 8:30 a.m. when I arrived. As I took my shoes off outside the front door and started walking into the house.... even darker. I called out, "Mae? Anyone here?" In a whisper she said, "I'm here."
Off to my right, I could see a light shining through under one of the bedroom doors. A couple of minutes later... he came out - her youngest son. We stood in the kitchen catching up with all that has taken place the last couple of days. He is also a minister... we always have lots to talk about. This morning was no different. Mixed emotions was a common theme. Then, he was off until time to relieve me again.
Mae was more asleep today than she was awake. I couldn't help but have mixed emotions about that... Neither could she. She was eating breakfast... suddenly she was asleep again. Later in the afternoon, fell asleep while eating jello. When she was awake, I would ask her certain questions trying to get her to tell me stories... At one point, she said to me, "Cameydear, do I have three children or four?" I replied, "Four, Mae. Four. Two daughters. Two sons." I was thankful that none of her children were there with us at that moment. This is natural - no doubt... but still... mixed emotions for sure.
After my time there for today was over.... I picked up Travman and one of Lauren's brothers at the front circle of the highly secure gated community we live in. The other was already at our home with Parker. Upon walking into the front door... I could smell something coming from the kitchen. My mother, sitting in her chair in the living room, said to me, "Oh, I've made beef stew for dinner. There's enough for all who are going to be here tonight at 5:30 p.m." Then, she said, "Oh, and I invited the boyfriend over too." Ahhhhhh. Mixed emotions caught me off guard on this one.. Why? Part of our Monday routine is my walking in the door and her asking me what's for dinner. I was going to make lasagna. She cooked? Wow... I knew she had to go to the little store for some of the ingredients.... she did.. when she took Austin to work this morning in the pouring rain after I had already left for Mae's.
Lauren's dad came to pick the boys up. Standing in the driveway, mixed emotions were definitely worn on his sleeve. His little girl has had this condition since she was born. He wanted to be at the hospital with his wife and yet... he couldn't. A few doors down from us is a house for sale. It used to be theirs... well, it still is - they just don't live there any more. He said to me, "It sure was easier when we had you guys for neighbors." The boys could walk quite easily back and forth between houses. They now live on the river... in the back part of the highly secure gated community. When I shared with him that they are welcome here any time.... he said to me, "We almost moved back into that house because of your family." He had tears in his eyes as he got into his vehicle and told the boys to tell me thank you.
While eating dinner with my mother and her boyfriend... mixed emotions were a part of the discussion. He had never really experienced any thing like yesterday. He definitely had never eaten "dinner on the ground." We got to talking about this and that in life and he looked at me and said, "You know Camey? I definitely had mixed emotions. Still do."
There are times in life when mixed emotions explain things better than words ever could. And that is okay. Nice neat bows are not required on the packages of our souls when walking with Jesus. It is dark again outside... The rain has stopped for now but is expected to start again....
Be still and know that He is God.
2 days ago